• The Cynic

How A Coke Overdose Could Extend Your Lifespan


Ever thought cocaine could be the secret to youthful longevity?

When people think cocaine, they usually think…

· Dangerously high heart rates leading to heart attacks.

· Uncontrollable convulsions and debilitating seizures.

· Intense irritability and manic mood swings.

Well, sure. There’s all that.

But if you can bring yourself to the brink of an overdose without dying JUST ONCE, you will return to life with ironclad motivation to be healthier than ever.

Granted, it’s a pretty big “if”. I mean, it’s a terminally big “if”.

And, of course, I don’t condone or encourage drug use.

But, hey… It worked for me.

Let me explain.

Living like a king in Colombia can lead you to becoming very unhealthy.

You could blame…

· The cheap and readily-available weed.

· KFC’s “Crazy Buckets” deal - A 12-piece combo at your door for 6 bucks.

· Your busty Latina girlfriend - You landed her, right? So who needs a 6 pack when you can have a 12-piece.

In short, you could blame anyone and anything apart from yourself. And you wouldn’t be wrong, necessarily.

But You WOULD be a wheezing jello-sack lying on a coach all day, eating fried chicken and sleeping with a catholic woman. All to the detriment of your childhood Rabbi.

That was the case for me, anyway.

What started off as a life of leisure in a sub-tropical paradise eventually turned into a nightmare of apartment-dwelling hedonism.

The 5 flights of stairs I used to brisk up to get to my apartment became a daily gauntlet for my wobbly legs and weak hips. And I could barely stay on top of my lady for more than a couple of minutes.

My life was becoming dull.

So when my girlfriend suggested a night out with some aguardiente and coke, I figured I could use a change from another night of weed and KFC.

Well, a few salsa dances and a key-bump later, we decided it wasn’t actually for us, and returned home.

Anti-climatic, I know.

But what happened after we both went to bed was about to change my life forever.

An hour passed by and my girlfriend was out cold. I, on the other-hand was wide awake.

So, I got the bag back out to see what all this cocaine hullabaloo was about...

There I was, 2 or 3 shots of Johnny Red down my throat, a joint smoked up, and a gram of Colombian Cocaine up my nose.

A gram. A gram of the stuff. Not cut with anything to weaken it. A gram of pure Colombian Cocaine. And my first ever gram, at that.

Moron.

I had WAY too much energy in my system. I felt like I had to release it all…

“Burpees! Let’s do burpees man. FUCK YEAH!

One… Two… Th…..three… FFFFFFOUR… Huh…huh…huh… FIIIIIVE... Huh…huh…huh…

SIIIIIIIIX-AHHH FUCK.”

My heart was pounding.

POUNDING.

My ribcage was trying to hold my heart in place for dear life. Literally!

I rolled over onto my stone floor like a fish out of water. The breeze from the balcony gently grazed my dying body.

I felt like something wasn’t quite right. Crazy thing to think, I know.

So, whats the first thing anyone does when they’re terrified that they might be overdosing on cocaine?

Google…

- Heart rate really high cocaine

- Mixing cocaine and alcohol

- How to tell if you’re overdosing on cocaine

- Normal heart rate

- Heart rate over 200bpm

“Oh shit…”

- Ambulance number in Medellin

- Hospital costs Medellin

“HOW MUCH?”

- Cheapest hospital Medellin

Yup. On the edge of life and still trying to curb costs.

I woke my girlfriend up and told her I was maybe probably gonna die.

She didn’t have much sympathy for me… Turns out I wasn’t the first dumb foreigner in her life who died from a cocaine overdose. Who woulda thunk it?

“Gringo estupido”, she mumbled before calling the ambulance and telling me they’re on the way.

“They’ll be 2 to 3 hours”

TWO TO THREE HOURS.

I texted my brother. I told him I fucked up big time. And I said goodbye.

I did the same with my two best friends.

I can’t tell you how much time passed until the ambulance came. But, probably 2 to 3 hours…

In the meantime, I phased in and out of life.

My vision and hearing cut out every few minutes.

Pins and needles in my hands. My feet were numb.

And then, when I had already come to terms with the fact that I’d die that night, a miracle knocked at the door.


It opened, and into my room walked four guys with dirty construction helmets on.

They sent over a squad of trainee firefighters. FIREFIGHTERS. Fresh-faced, maybe nineteen to twenty-two years old each. Not a medical gown in sight.

With their limited training, they ran an electrocardiogram on my heart.

One of the firefighters looked at me with serious concern, and insisted I rush over to the hospital.

I tried to get up on my feet, but fell straight to the floor. My legs were angel hair pasta.

The look these guys gave each-other when they realized that they were going to have to carry my fat ass down 5 flights of tight-winding stairs in a bulky wheelchair, I will never forget.

When I finally got to the hospital, I lost all faith of surviving when my doctor greeted me...

A scruffy old man with a protruding belly. He had tired eyes and a dismal expression. I only saw his face after looking in horror at his blood-covered overalls.

The firefighters loaded me on to a bed, while the doctor looked over my test results.

He looked over at me, returned his gaze to the clipboard, and muttered “You’ll be fine.”

I was hooked up to an IV drip and was told to rest.

The effect the cocaine had on my body diminished, allowing my heart to return to a normal rate.

I was back home a few hours later, empenadas in hand.

It was the first and last time I dabbled with cocaine. And the last time I touched drugs of any kind.

As soon as I got home, I vowed to take better care of my health.

I now sit here typing this story around 20 kilos lighter. From 90 down to 72.

Sometimes my heart still skips a beat here and there, and its terrifying…

I should probably actually go check that out actually.

But apart from that, I’ve never been healthier.

And all it took was one near-death cocaine overdose.

… And months of rigorous exercise and impeccable dieting.

But mostly… months of rigorous exercise and impeccable dieting.

“So, was the cocaine overdose even necessary?” you ask yourself...

Well, kind of.


Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom to start climbing back up.


Otherwise, I think I’d still be sitting here stoned out of my mind, eating fried chicken and playing video games all day.


Do I recommend following in my footsteps?


No.


What I do recommend is getting in shape BEFORE you hit rock bottom. Save yourself the long climb up to getting healthy again. And save your heart the stress... And your girlfriend.


BUT, If you ARE going to go that route, at least be prepared with a proven recovery supplement that boosts your bodies internal repair systems.


Revive is a science-backed recovery supplement loaded with plant extracts, nootropics and essential vitamins that supercharge your body to feel fantastic even after the roughest night out.


Imagine you went through the same coke overdose I had, and then being able to bounce back to life the very next day.


I can tell you for a fact, I didn't think ANYTHING could help me out after a night like that.


And it's a damn shame I didn't hear about this miraculous supplement earlier. Do yourself a favour before you next big night out...


Click here to learn more about Revive


It may make the difference between a speedy recovery, and a day of shameful bed-dwelling regret.



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